wedding.....crap

ok, so the place is booked, we know what we're doing for invitations, and cupcakes, and we have the cake topper and the toasting flutes....now what?! oh yeah a dress. Seriously, when do I go? Flowers.....grrr...so hard. old, new, borrowed, blue....eh. I just want to marry the man I love. No favors. I hate favors. I hate flowers. Can I wear jeans?! lol
Seriously.....think about it....jeans! ha ha ha ha ha!!! Oh I am going to be committed!

wedding blurb

" I Do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

On 6/13/08
He asked.
I said yes.
Seriously!!!!

Sept. 26, 2009
date of the nuptials.
very exciting!!!!
Popponesset Inn, New Seabury, MA.

Yeah!!!!

Dad.....

Ok so most of my dear friends know that my relationship with my dad wasn't a fairytale daddy's little girl type of thing....
But since his passing, I do know this. I had 3 days with my dad, and we didn't like hug, or cry or anything, but for the first time in my life the rough tough guy that I had known all my life, was a little scared, and peaceful. I also know that even though those 3 days didn't make up for the times we were at each other's throats for the better part of my existence, I think we had a kind of unspoken respect and admiration for each other. I wish I didn't shut him out as often as I did. There are a lot of father/daughter relationships that are similar to the one we had, and I just only hope that the daughters out there, realize before it is too late, how much their dad's love them, and can put aside their pride and allow themselves to feel the love that every father has for their children. I denied myself the opportunity, and it is something that I have to come to terms with now. I always wanted to make him proud of me, and I think I tried so hard that I resented him for not making a huge deal out of my accomplishments. I didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize or anything, but still, I wish I wasn't so hard on him and on myself. He was a great man, and I wish I had told him that more often.

Amy-zing and the big "K"

Ok so prior to my being fired from the day spa which will not be named... My delightful friend Amy E offered to practice some waxing on my nether regions.... Long story short, she tried to wax a "K" on my who-ha....god love her she tried....and it looked more like an "X", but it was a laugh shared by us and unfortunately, I haven't laughed with her since, as I was shortly after that terminated, (nothing to do with the waxing) and I found out that she had given her notice and has left the spa which will not be named. She is on to bigger and better things, as am I....(hopefully soon)...and I am happy to report that the hair is slowly growing back, and I laugh each day when I remember what was a great day with a great person and friend....good times!

1st anniversary of the Pancake Disaster of 2007

April Fool's Day has come and gone, and I have made it one year with no more fainting, third degree burns, and the scary stuff that occurred last year. I am blessed to be alive, have wonderful family and friends, a roof over my head, a job, and support from loved ones. I am very lucky, and thankful for all that I have, and all that is to come.

Seriously, I have decided to try really hard to think more positively, and just kind of chill out a bit with worrying about this or that, because things could be a lot worse. And on the first anniversary of the pancake disaster, I am just happy to be.

*sigh*
:)

breakdown...

ok, so the last week or so, has been a bit much. Dad's sick, mom's stressed, no happy pills for 6 months, and things are bound to get built up. Seriously, I am trying to give people advice on this or that, and meanwhile my head is just working OT. I think I had a bit of a breakdown. Seriously. I was binge eating and purging, which I would NEVER do. Going to the liquor store at 2 in the afternoon during the week, and throwing a few back, going to sleep, waking up an hour later, having a couple more. Maybe on a Saturday way back in the day...Trying to be the person I am and help everyone..and I snap. Well I am back on the happy pills, and have some others to help me out with crazy anxiety attacks!!!! Could it be that turning 30 just hit me? lol no not all at. Since the last blog post, I am so ok with being 30. Maybe just a little temporary insanity...who knows?

30

So I am now 30. Seriously, I am, and I thought that is was going to bother me alot more than it really has. I recall when I turned 25, I mean c'mon it was only 5 years ago, it wasn't a lifetime ago...though it sometimes feels like it. Turning 25 was HUGE for me. I was officially a quarter of a century old. Now maybe it is the dramatic actress in me, but when worded that way, of course it sounds bad. But I wasn't the only person to think of it that way. As my 25th birthday approached, someone said to me "Oh my god, you are going to be a quarter of a century old!" Before hearing that, I think I was ok, it was just another day. But it stuck with me, and all I wanted was to be a kid again. I told my mother that I either wanted a party with a clown who made balloon animals, or I was going to stay in my room with the blinds closed and under the covers. So my mother being the cool, wonderful mother that she is, came into my room at an early hour, and early back then was probably 8:00 AM, with a rainbow clown wig, a red clown nose and humongous pink clown glasses singing happy birthday!!!! I was so excited, and laughing so hard....I quickly jumped out of bed, grabbed my camera and snapped a picture. Why wouldn't I? That made my day. She wanted to cheer me up, and she did.

So now, back to 30....
All I have ever wanted was a surprise party. I think that surprise parties are awesome. I have been to so many surprise parties, birthday, showers, etc. I have thrown a few as well, and might I say I got her good both times! So as my 30th birthday approached, I was telling my mother and my sister that I wanted a surprise 30th. And as most people who know me can tell you, I usually find things out. Ever since I was a kid, especially at Christmas, I would always shake my presents that were under the tree, and I could always guess what it was. So my mother was determined to put a stop to that. She got me a digital camera 2 years ago, and packed it in a huge box, with like industrial sized toilet paper rolls in it to make it heavy and throw me off-it worked. So since then she has gotten me a few times with birthday gifts, and I give her credit.
So about a week or so before my birthday, mum decides to tell me she is going to my sister's house for February vacation, and she is leaving the day before my birthday. WHAT?!?!?!? I was so upset....this birthday is a milestone (kind of). So I said fine....go. FINE.
I was convinced that it would be Kevin and I having dinner somewhere, and that would be it. I would turn 30...
So on my birthday, I woke up not feeling well at all. I could barely swallow. So off to the ER we go. Strep throat! Happy birthday!!!! Kevin told me he was taking me out to dinner (I knew it) . And I honestly wasn't feeling like doing anything but resting. So he tells me that we are going in town....but was vague with the details, so of course I was a bit suspicious. I thought nothing of it. Before we left, I thought to myself, maybe I should bring my camera? You know just in case...it was after all my 30th birthday. I decided against it. I didn't ask questions, and I was just going to enjoy a night out with my guy. As long as I was with him, I would have a great time. So as we are driving, he gets a phone call from a friend telling him about a party at a hall not too far from where we were going to eat, and that we should stop by for a drink. So we eat....very quickly, and I was kind of curious as to why he inhaled his food, and why I couldn't get dessert or even finish my drink. But again I didn't ask questions. I figured he had something planned that would require us to be somewhere at a specific time. So I left a barely touched drink behind, and followed his lead. So he asked if I wanted to stop by the party to see some friends quickly, and I said sure, being the easy going gal that I am. Not knowing where he would be taking me after. So we pull into the parking lot, and he informs me that we have to leave by 9:00 PM sharp. So now, I should mention that I had a suspicion. Earlier that week, I was on the computer, and I decided to look in the history, to see if I could figure out if he had been looking for ideas for gifts to get me. I know what you are thinking....and I am awful, but I am a bit of a snoop, especially when it comes to presents!!!! So I look in the history, and see all kinds of stuff. Good stuff. Great things! I see sites for jewelry stores. What girl doesn't like jewelry? So I look some more, and see.....engagement rings!!!!!!!!! So I freak out and close the laptop! I don't want to know if he is looking at engagement rings!! I want THAT to be a surprise. So my mind starts to race, along with my heartbeat, and I am thinking....we can't afford that right now....It is a huge purchase, and I know that he doesn't have the money because I pay all the bills, and I know what our bank account is like, and it is definitely not large enough to go out and buy an engagement ring. So I get the idea out of my head...or try to anyways. I will be honest, with the way he was acting all suspect about the details of the after dinner plans, and why we had to leave the party at 9 PM sharp, I was starting to get butterflies in my stomach....
So we walk into the hall where the party was, and it was all quiet, and I was expecting to hear music or talking or something....He opens the door for me, and I look in to see friends from high school, from work, and family, friends and balloons.....
I finally got my surprise party! I was so happy, and taken aback, It was perfect.
So no engagement ring, I am ok with that. I got what I wanted, and I think that having so many people that I love, and who love me all together made turning 30 much easier....
I am 30 and I am happy and healthy, and have everything a girl could want or need....for now.

Seriously.....I would really like an engagement ring....
but I can wait. Good things come to those who wait....

Ringing in the New Year...

Fa la la la la la la....
So Santa came and left. The ball dropped, and we all said goodbye to 2007. For me personally, I look back at all the events that changed my life. I tried to think of all the events, good, not so good, and great things that affected me. And it all started really crazy right from the get go. In January, I was living in Randolph. I was living with my now ex, and he was great to me and I am forever grateful. In October of 2006, I lost my best friend. My mentor, the person I shared my whole life with. Someone who no matter what I did, or what I said, loved me unconditionally. My nana, after a long fight that started with a stroke, and led to numerous infections and pneumonia, took a turn and passed on with us next to her from the time they put the morphine drip in until the chaplain prayed with us in her hospital room. So the start of 2007 was a bit somber and bittersweet.
I was living in Randolph, and we planned a New Year's Eve party. I met my best friend's girlfriend, I was so happy to meet her, because she made him so happy. We had a great time. But I was bummed out because my best friend and her husband weren't there. I had visited her a few weeks prior to xmas, and I could tell that things weren't great with them....but I found out on January 2nd or 3rd that shit hit the fan (nana's phrase). They were going through some shit!!! I am extremely loyal to my friend's, and long story short, I moved in with her in Marshfield, and I broke it off my the boyfriend who is her husband's cousin...messy. I realized that the relationship I was in, was not good for me.
So January was emotional, stressful, and eye opening. Fast forward to February. Things with my friend and her husband were moving along great. We were all going to church. I felt like my life was going through great changes. Positive changes. A day or so before Valentines Day, I was talking to my mom. She informed me a while before that a long time crush of mine was working with her. He also lived in Marshfield, and jokingly I said to my mom that since we were both living in Marshfield, and single, that it would be funny if we were each other's Valentine. 20 minutes later the phone rings and it is Kev....I was blushing beyond belief. We went out for dinner and I am happy to report that we are now living together and are so happy.

So back to all the events.....In March we went to see Elton John-AWESOME! And then April Fool's Day rolls around and brings me to The Pancake Disaster of 2007....and we all remember that. So that was a huge event.....so crazy. Things were ok until the end of May I think....Then kev and I took a 3 month hiatus...I was devastated. I knew I had found the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with...and I was crushed. I remember drinking a lot of tequila...for a while.
Then in July I got a pair of tickets for the Red Sox/Rockies game, and I took a chance and asked Kevin if he would like to go. We went and talked about a lot of things and here we are. The Red Sox beat the Rockies in the 2007 World Series, and Kevin and I are happier than can be. We spent our first Xmas together, and New Years, and moving on to our second Valentines day.

The holidays were stressful per usual for me. but we made the best of it. And New Years Eve I was looking forward to ringing in the new year and all good things. I was at work, and had been at work every day for the last 2 weeks except for Christmas....And a client came in to use the steam room.....good god......long story short, she stayed in too long, got extremely dehydrated, and I was trying to help her for about an hour, and after begging me not to call 911, I told her that that was the only option. So paramedics, fire and police officials flood into the spa and take her to the hospital. And I fell asleep at about 8:30 pm. The ball dropped?! lol

Seriously, a lot of great things happened. Weddings, new babies, new job, and no more ER visits for me!

So I look to 2008 with an open mind and heart. Nothing but positivity. I am starting this year with a full bucket, and a big smile!!!!

I hope all of you have a great year!!!!!
Stay positive, and positive things will happen.
I recommend reading the Bucket List. Great little book. It changed my outlook and how I treat people I come in contact with.

Best Wishes!!!!
xo